Christmas movies! Many of us have a favourite (or several) that we quote in our darkest moments, like tinsel-coated mantras.
They can be cheesy, they can be cloyingly sentimental. Sometimes they’re not even very good.
But they’re ours, and right now is the only time of year when we’re truly allowed, nay, encouraged, to enjoy them.
With that in mind, here are what I deem to be the ten finest, most Christmassy films imaginable.
Spoiler alert: you can, and will, disagree with some of these.
1. Die Hard
Die Hard is perfect! The fact that Die Hard is a Christmas film is sort of a bonus, because were it not, I’d still be trying to sandwich it awkwardly into this list. Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman, and a Christmas party gone horribly wrong. A disgraced cop with a heart of gold, angry blonde German dudes, explosions, pathos, troubles with your ex… it’s all here. If you’ve somehow not seen Die Hard, rest assured that it’s the best thing you can do on Christmas. Sit down, shut up, and experience the festive wonder. The bloody, traumatic, festive wonder.
2. It’s A Wonderful Life
Jimmy Stewart was a superb actor for so many reasons, and he actually hated this movie. Here’s the thing, though: it will reduce you to a blubbering mess. It’s a beautiful Christmas story about a fundamentally good guy getting screwed over, losing all hope, and having hope thrust back at him. The final scene kills me every time.
3. Home Alone
Home Alone is just sublime. John Hughes (Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller, Sixteen Candles) brings tonnes of heart to this fable about a boy who decides to torture, maim and somehow not kill two burglars who, to be fair, were sort of asking for it. Again, I cannot stress enough how much heart this film has, how much Christmas spirit is has, and just how unfeasible it is that Pesci and Stern didn’t just give up and go home.
4. The Santa Clause
Clever, kind, generous and legitimately funny, The Santa Clause is a Christmas film I watch basically every year. Tim Allen is a heartless businessman who literally kills Santa, by accident, and due to an obscure legal clause (THE PUN WORKS ON SO MANY LEVELS) he begins to literally become Santa. The sequels aren’t great, especially the third one starring Martin Short as Jack Frost, but the original kicks arse.
5. Jingle All The Way
On paper, it sounds awful: Arnie is a shitty parent, and in an attempt to make amends to his as yet un-Annakined son Jake Lloyd, enters the last minute Christmas shopping fray to buy a Turboman action figure. Sinbad features prominently. And it really should suck, but it totally doesn’t; it’s sublimely nineties and ruthlessly cheesy, but holy hell is it uplifting.
