MEL BLATT
OK, so this morning I walked into this cafe, right, and I give my order to the waitress, who I thought looked like a right little cow, and next thing you know she plonks a bowl on the table, and I said to her, I said, “What do you frickin’ call this Because I’ll tell you one thing, sister, I wouldn’t touch it with a bargepole. It looks like muck, is what it frickin’ looks like. It looks like someone’s thrown up into the bowl, and all you’ve done is heat it up, and served it with no questions asked.
“Listen. I’m going to tell it to you straight. You don’t have the X-factor to cut it as a waitress in this town. But don’t just stand there. I asked you a question. What do you frickin’ call this”
She said, “Porridge.”
STAN WALKER
Oh, man. Life’s awesome. Like this morning, I got up, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and I walked to a funky little cafe, and a beautiful waitress brought out an awesome bowl of porridge.
I said to her, “Hey. I just want to ask you one thing. Is that OK”
She smiled, and said, “Yes”.
I said, “Oh man, I love your smile. You’ve got an awesome smile. It’s from the heart.”
She said, “Thank you”.
I said, “I love the way you walk, too. There’s something about it. You put one foot in front of another . . . and then another . . . and then another.”
She said, “Thank you”.
I said, “You know, if you ever want something to read, I’ve got a book tattooed on my chest. I might just take off my awesome shirt right now. Oh, man! Everyone’s looking.”
She said, “Excuse me, but I’ve got other customers. What is it you wanted to ask”
I said, “Well, there’s something I can’t figure out. It’s a mystery, a riddle. Something probably no-one will ever solve. But I’ll ask you anyway. How did you know I wanted porridge”
She said, “You ordered it.”
I said, “Oh, man. That’s awesome.”
