This post is in partnership with Worldcrunch, a new global news site that translates stories of note in
foreign languages into English. The article below was originally published
in TAGES-ANZEIGER.
Oh joy. A new highpoint in our evolution has been reached — maybe even The
Moment that the human race has always been headed for. The media is
spreading the good news: BabyNes is here. That’s what Nestl’s latest is
called. It’s a capsule system for baby formula. If “capsule system”
doesn’t ring a bell with you, just think George “What Else” Clooney, who
hasn’t had the time to slurp coffee since Brangelina’s kids trashed his
house. But what would George normally do? He’d press the button, and ping, a
little cup of coffee.
The idea alone of baby milk formula capsules would be ridiculous enough. But
even worse is the site about them that Nestl has put online. The purring
babble of the lady in the video clip is nothing short of infuriating.
Breastfeeding is of course best for baby, and it’s absolutely recommended,
she says… Subtext: Who wants to ruin their breasts, or dirty their hands
preparing bottles? You can also feed baby by pressing a button.
The “particularly ergonomic design” of the baby formula capsule machine
makes for “rapid, intuitive preparation” of a perfect bottle, the BabyNes
site says. And you are so not stressed doing it. Different types of capsules
are available too, since mother’s precious milk also changes frequently, and
it would be just too stupid not to make a profit out of that. Surprise,
surprise: cute little accessories are available, as well.
The long and the short of it, Nestl crows, is that BabyNes is a
“pioneering technological innovation”. Do I detect just a tad of
defensiveness in the added assertion that this is “technology in the
service of love”? Heartwarming, I know.
Technological innovation? Yeah, a loose screw. Come to think of it, that’s
exactly what I thought about the original Nespresso, especially since the
taste is nothing to write home about. But let’s not go there. The point is
that with friendly help from George Clooney, who has been the face of
Nespresso around the world, Nestle’ succeeded in marching onto the coffee
market the way Napoleon’s army marched into Russia. The result is that there
are not only Nespresso shops — where machines, accessories and capsules are
sold as if they were high-end jewelry — but actual Nespresso bars, where
people can sip overpriced coffee in aseptically chic surroundings. Because
they’re worth it.
And I fear that BabyNes may just make a similar breakthrough. Because you
don’t need something like that to feed baby — you need it to feed your ego.
There are certainly enough movie stars with kids who would also think it was
a great idea to take them to a BabyNes milkbar, and enough women around to
imitate them, and before you know it BabyNes will be cool, and who doesn’t
want to be cool?
The spirit of invention is one of humankind’s most noble characteristics.
You know the story: it began with tools, then machines; and I’m betting that
when the first Stone Ager came along with a hand-axe, some horde members
thought the newfangled gizmo was really stupid. There have probably always
been people who are afraid of new things, and others who think new things
are stupid because they don’t understand them.
Maybe I don’t understand BabyNes. But I will say this: in our day and age,
to bring out a “system” that most certainly requires a lot of energy to
produce and creates huge amounts of garbage, all for minimal gains in
efficiency, is nothing short of irresponsible. BabyNes is an ecologically
idiotic plaything for the rich that a company worth billions is using huge
financial means to push on the market in order to turn on consumers who
really don’t understand anything — who couldn’t care less so long as it’s
cool.
Switzerland is Nestl’s test market, and I would cast my vote with any
radical pro-breastfeeding fanatic who takes that stupid machine and smashes
it down around Nestl’s ears. My message to
mothers who buy into BabyNes because it’s easy is this: it’s environmental
madness; it’s a product of greed. Anyway. Kids who drink milk capsules will
probably drink Prosecco capsules when they grow up, and who wants a kid like
that?
Also from Worldcrunch:
Switzerland’s Answer to Dirty Prostitution? Sex Boxes—Tages-Anzeiger
Why the Chinese Love Their Death Penalty—Economic Observer
In France, a Muslim Offensive Against Evolution— Le Monde
Rare Photos: Happy 85th Birthday, Marilyn Monroe
How Married Are You? TIME Surveys the 5 New Types of
Couples
