As the show with the highest incidence of bear fights on television continues, Nelson Mail reporters and bloggers Sarah Dunn and Adam Roberts continue their discussions about the land of Westeros.
Dear Sarah,
Aside from the last scene and the one with the dragons, I thought this episode was a little weak, with only incremental plot developments and few compelling verbal tete-a-tetes or clever double-crosses. One thing I did like was how the show has started to connect some of the disparate threads together – like Joffrey and Tywin discussing Daenerys invasion progress.
The episode begins with Jon Snow giving a lesson on how armies march in time using drummers, with Ygritte skeptical of whether it’s necessary. To be honest, I think she has a point, as the Unsullied do pretty well without one. This won’t be the last lesson on war Snow, the guy who got captured by the opposing side, gives this episode.
Meanwhile the warg, played by Gareth from the Office – the assistant to the regional manager (Mance Rayder) – is being all surly and doubtful that Jon Snow’s gonna help. People work together when it suits them, he says, a handy one-sentence summary of the show.
I don’t really understand the point of the next scene, which consists of a conversation in the Robb camp summing up stuff we already know, other than that Mrs Stark realises her boy has a thing for the nurse (duh).
And then there’s a cut, and I was like, “yes, no more Robb for the rest of the episode, please”, but then we’re right back with Robb and his pointy, post-coital nipples are everywhere. God, he’s so sweaty. I thought he was in a drafty castle/tent, surely he shouldn’t be so sweaty.
I notice the nurse chick eschews cigarettes, or getting dressed, instead opting for a post-sex correspondence. Theory: nurse chick is Tywin’s penpal. I admit that is a stretch, but not as much as the meaningless promise Robb makes about going to her hometown “once this is all over” (spoiler alert: it’s never going to be over).
But this turns out to be a good call, because she replies with some good news: she’s knocked up! Imagine if he’d said no!
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Then back to the wildlings for some gross sex talk conjuring up images of dogs and speared pigs. Oh right, Gareth’s jealous of Jon Snow and wants Ygritte. I guess that was obvious.
He gives Ygritte the ol’ “yeah I’m horrible to you now, but if we were together I wouldn’t be” line. Girls love that, it comes off as very genuine. Anyway, she loves Snow, surprise surprise.
Then to King’s Landing, where Sansa is coming to terms with marrying Tyrion. If by ‘‘coming to terms’’, you mean, ‘‘whining about not wanting to marry the outrageously rich guy who seems to be the only one in this show with any soul’’. She barely knew that other dude she was supposed to marry, and Tyrion is amazing, so I think she should cheer up. It could’ve been worse, she could’ve been with Joffrey, as her and Margaery discuss.
Then a scene with Tywin v Joffrey, finally. Tywin’s holding his Small Council meetings in his tower, because it’s closer to his desk and all his bloody letters. Joffrey hates it, but backs down.
Tywin just fobs J-man off, then walks down the stairs of the Iron Throne showing off his cool boots.
Over to Daenerys, who has a bit of a thing for freeing slaves now. Perhaps she too watched Lincoln between season 2 and 3. She wants to free 200,000 slaves from some random city she doesn’t need to attack. Committing to this slave-freeing mission properly would require invading literally every city in the world, so I hope she’s thought that through.
She meets with the lord of the city, whose army uses a drummer to keep time (Ygritte would hate that!).
Anyway, she deploys her dragons to scare the dude away, and promises to emancipate the slaves by force.
She asks her annoying old man to find out who the city’s ‘‘friends’’ are. Good luck with that – that guy’s about as subtle as a dragon. And who’s he going to quiz, the Unsullied The enemy
Wise of the producers to move the Gendry storyline along a bit. Him and scary fire witch are sailing through Blackwater Bay, and she tells him who his dad was. She tells him there’s power in a king’s blood. Is she going to do the freaky smoke baby thing with him Almost definitely.
Now back to Theon, getting worked over by some ladies, in what feels like sexy GoT fanfiction, until what’s-his-name (no, seriously, what’s his name) arrives to permanently end his fun.
Brief return to Ygritte so the producers can again ram home the point that she’s a real tough customer and her and Snow are together forever.
Then an intense scene with Arya and the hipster wizard which I didn’t pay much attention to, and then quite a good one with Jaime and a new freaky doctor character.
It turns out Jaime, on his way home, has inadvertantly screwed Brienne by telling her captors she was the daughter of a dude with a sapphire mine. They’re now holding out for more money, but Jaime’s on the case.
Aaaaaand then wow, the best scene of the episode. Jaime returns to help Brienne escape from being savaged by a bear she’s been forced to fight. Now, the only thing I know about bears (and I’m pretty sure this isn’t true) is that if you’re being chased by one, you should run diagonally down a hill. Apparently they can’t handle that. So keep that in your back pocket, it may save your life one day. Or not. Only one way to find out.
Jaime has no such knowledge and jumps into the bear pit, gambling his life, correctly assuming him getting back to his dad safely means more to Lord Bolton than the dudes having their weird bear fun. The soldiers save him and he gets to be smug to the man who removed his hand. Sucker. Also, someone get Brienne some medical attention, look at that neck gash.
– Adam
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Dear Adam,
The Bear and the Maiden Fair is the perfect drinking song. Just getting that out there right now. It’s got more-or-less interchangeable verses, simple rhymes and lots of innuendo- and it’s always there when you need it, much like Jaime. He may have lost a verse but he’s making it up as he goes along! It’s good to see my favourite fairytale prince back on form and sticking up for somebody who’s not his sister.
Everybody in this episode is having their relationships tested, and even when the scenarios don’t involve a bear, it’s tricky stuff. I thought Robb Stark’s fierce reaction to Talisa’s pregnancy was a little odd, although I admit he’s one of the characters I understand least on this show. Perhaps all of these other schemers are ruining my ability to appreciate a straightforward person like Robb, or perhaps he’s just not very clever.
Orell the warg probably has to be smarter than the average bear by necessity, and it looks like Jon Snow will have to man up and deal with him soon. For a while I wondered whether Orell was just using Ygritte to make Jon uncomfortable in a kind of Wildling hazing ritual, but after he fixed the poor girl with those great protruding eyes and confessed his everlasting creepy love, it became clear there was a situation shaping up.
Jolly giant and apparent ladies’ man Tormund is difficult to imagine as any kind of bad guy, but Orell is such a maggotty-looking dude, he fills that gap nicely.
It’s funny how the Wildlings have all that rhetoric about free will and wild women, but they still seem just as effective as Westerosi characters at encouraging unpleasantly entitled suitors. The amazing Tyrion is one of the few Game of Thrones men who tries not to regard potential wives as items of property, but even he is struggling to connect with Sansa. How many men has she been betrothed to now It’s like she’s become institutionalised.
Seeing Joffrey get told off is always pleasing, but I couldn’t help thinking that his interview with Tywin would have been one of the few appropriate times he could flourish that famous temper. Threatening to have his grandfather killed or demoted might have produced some kind of result, but instead he just sat there in the Iron Throne like a baby in a high-chair.
I agree with you that Dany’s attacking Yunkai is completely unnecessary, but at least we got a nice close-up of a cuddly dragon in that scene. Perhaps runner-up to Sansa for World’s Most Na
