Author and blogger Lisa Bloom finds herself in quite the conundrum each time she is introduced to a new little girl “I went to a dinner party at a friend’s home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.
Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, “Maya, you’re so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!”
But I didn’t. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.”
But the author resists the temptation to bestow compliments on the little girls for fear this will later effect their self esteem “Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What’s missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.”
After careful consideration Bloom now introduces herself as she would to an adult and asked the child is they read, thus hoping to open a dialog about books. She gave a recount of her last meeting with a you female child “ I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.
“Maya,” I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, “very nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.
“Hey, what are you reading?” I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I’m nuts for them. I let that show.
Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.
“I LOVE books,” I said. “Do you?”
Most kids do.
“YES,” she said. “And I can read them all by myself now!”
“Wow, amazing!” I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.
“What’s your favorite book?” I asked.
“I’ll go get it! Can I read it to you?”
This message here is good. Little girls aren’t, after all, just made of sugar, spice and everything nice. Bloom discussed her meeting with the girl in more depth say that “Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It’s surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I’m stubborn.” Herein may lay a problem.
To only address little girls intellectually, reassuring them they are more than outward appearance may not be a perfect alternative. The fear here is that the message being sent is you can be pretty or you can be smart. This would further reinforce old gender based stereotypes.
Perfection may be, as it usually is, somewhere in the middle. In a perfect world each little girl would be told they are capable of doing anything from brain surgeon to president while reassuring them they are beautiful in their own way.
